Bracing for Impact with the Living God.

Recently my hubby and I had the privilege of returning to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Our intentions were to gain training for a couple of college students who are called to ministry.

I was not expecting much for myself. You see my hubby and I have found ourselves in a year of dis-orientation...

Meaning, good friends have passed away or lost their jobs, family strife, our church is without a Pastor and wrestling with it, and so much more...

To put it plainly we have felt disoriented.

I thank God for the Simply Youth Ministry team for listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Disorientation was a theme discussed again and again at the conference. 

God, You are always right on top of things aren't You?

 I have a few posts for you on lessons I learned while there. I hope they bless you. The posts are very raw, but maybe...just maybe there are some out there who can relate? 

I pray this finds you, the souls who are trying to stand in the midst of storms and cry out to the living God for the strength to follow His will. I am grateful for this truth, that in the process we absolutely will discover His unfathomable grace and amazing love. 

God Bless you all greatly,

-Heather

Jesus, You just keep messing with me.

Turning my insides out...

Shaking the loose pieces to the ground...Sifting.

You are a fire scathing, seething, licking away the impurities and reducing me to liquid.

It's been painful...I feel like I bleed and cry and scream, but to no one but Jesus, because who else would understand this anyways?

Then comes the reminder...

He is the God of the light and the dark.

He is there in the darkness, and yet creating light from it.

"Seriously, Lord?!? What do you want from me?"
 I ask searching for answers yet again.

Hot messy tears begin pouring out as I sit huddled and bent over tucking my head into my knees.

I am rocking with my hands over my head as if I am bracing for impact in a plane crash.

White knuckling it, I try to restrain the sobs as I feel my face growing red from the tension. Fearing it might burst forth in all its ugliness and confusion, I find I am holding my breath...

I am bracing for impact with a 

Living and Holy God.

Shaking....
Hoping no one notices me in this state of fear and heart ache under the cloud of darkness in the worship session I whisper,

“ I don't like this Lord.” Sobs begin to escape my throat , “This scares me... Why? Why now?”

Then...

His words rush over me like a crashing wave.

“Oh how I love you daughter.

I do... I love you.”

As if I am in the choppy tangled waves of the ocean

I gasp for breath in great gulps. I feel like I am drowning.

In the darkness of the worship session I hide.

“I don't like this Father. This scares me. Please no...Please no, no, not this!”

I beg and beg as I rock. He whispers gently again,

“I love you. Trust me. Obey.”

Again and again this was the message. It scares me, this task He is asking from us. Its different. (I am not always great with change.)

Now we are diving into the unknown and uncharted waters and this definitely requires trust.

“Not my will, but yours be done Lord.”

I will wrestle my will and fears to the mat...Through Your love and grace, Lord, I will surrender to You and Your ways.

Oh Jesus, You are unrelenting and I find myself grateful for You never ever give-up. Father, Your ways are not my own and Your thoughts are not mine.

Once again, with knees still knocking, I stand.

I am shaky still, but my feet are planted on Your solid rock of Truth.

I raise my hands high. Lifting my face to the light, I offer my heart again to You in worship and praise. I open my mouth and sing.

Will you join me friends? In the tough times? In heart ache and loss? In the pain and confusion will you join me and sing?

Do you have something you are wrestling with?

An area of your life where things are confusing or painful?

Can I pray for you friends? 

When I am on the edge... He whispers

"His kind of love is reckless for us

His kind of love will never give up

Till the whole world knows how far he went to show..."

-Group 1 Crew

I encourage you to click on the links to read the actual Bible verses that I will be paraphrasing through out this post. I pray they bring you encouragement and for the Lord to strengthen you and protect your hearts in Him. I pray for blessings and growth through Him. That you have eyes to see his love for you today and every day. I pray for peace in the storms that you may be experiencing in your life right now. His peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:4-9

Silence falls all around me, it’s a rare feat.

In the midst of the chaos in my life I find this moment precious and dear. 

A time where my Lord is sending me His sweet reminders of,

“I love you. I love you, even when you are in pajamas, with a mess of hair on your head and feeling quite inadequate for these tasks in the days ahead. I will be a light unto your path.”

He whispers in the angry winds that seem to batter our home,

“When you are weak, then I am strong. Do not be afraid for I am your God and I will comfort you and hold you up through these storms.”

When I lay down with the cares of the day weighing heavy on my heart…

When tears fall as I weep for the loss of someone dear. Or I find myself grieving the times of hurt and division in God’s body or even within our own family.

When I wonder what in the world I am supposed to do today with so many people screaming for their wants, and their needs, like a toddler yelling incessantly, “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

Yet, He is still there…

Wrapping His warm loving arms around me and prodding me with His tender mercies.

 “Cast your cares upon me. Don’t stress or worry about tomorrow, for each day is enough on its own.  Above all else guard your precious heart in me for it is the wellspring of life.”

When the noise and stress of this world get too loud and I feel yanked and torn by those who would harm…

When I want to yell,

“Just be quiet! Leave me alone! I can’t do this anymore!”

God sets my feet upon His rock of truth and tells me to stand.

He nudges me forward with these simple words,

“I Love you, my precious child, with all of My heart. I will not leave you nor forsake you.”

When I slowly pick myself up from the ground, and ask Him what can I do? I am so frail and weak! Why do you want to use me? What could I possibly do for you? He tells me,

“I have shown you, my daughter, what is good.
    Act justly and love mercy…
    take each step humbly with Me.”

So today I choose to rejoice in His love and in His promises. 

I will say yes to my Lord and sometimes that means saying no to others. 

I will guard my heart each day and follow His light of truth for each step I take towards justice and mercy; loving Him and loving others. 

I will stand in His strength alone, not my own. 

Casting my cares upon His strong and able shoulders for He is my God, my Fortress, my Abba Father.

I want to thank a dear friend of mine, Mandy, for her fearlessly transparent blogging and amazing prayers that inspired this. If you get a chance you can check out her beautiful blog at
 Hearts Undaunted 

God Bless you friends!