Thursday, October 18, 2012

Warning... I am a mess for Jesus

WARNING-------What you are about to read is a bit messy and rife with errors. Like my life right now.

Hi Friends,

I am sorry it has been so long. I have missed you all. This last month has been full of ups and downs. I stopped writing when I came down with a “lovely” bronchial infection for about 2-3 weeks, but honestly did not return to writing because God is teaching me so many things. (Man, that sounds really lame, but I assure you it’s the truth.)

 I know I will eventually be able to put all these lessons He has been teaching me into words without sounding like a crazy mess of a bleeding heart. Okay, I cannot even promise that. I am a mess right now.

Lately I cry when reading scripture. (Why can’t I just read it and think on it like a normal good little Christian? Nope, right now I cry. His words break my heart. My lack of action breaks my heart.) I love my Lord so very much, and He is really re-working me in some areas.

Then while reading this book “Seven” by Jen Hatmaker, God began to escalate some of these things that I had finally shoved behind the couch in my mind because I could not figure out what to do with them. (Thank you Jen!) 

For example, after returning from Africa I found myself walking through my home thinking, why in the world do I have so much stuff? Why do I place so much importance on what others think of how well decorated or updated my home is when people are literally starving to death? 
When I found myself alone in our home, I would literally look around the room and examine all the pieces of furniture and think, “I don’t need that. Am I willing to give it all up?” (This from a person that attaches sentimental meanings to objects like crazy.)

 I have done fundraisers and worked with our teens and we have raised thousands of dollars to help the poor here in the US and across the globe, but how often am I being truly intentional with my “stuff” that I have accumulated. Yes, I can mindlessly donate it to “Good Will”, or to the “Salvation Army”, (Both great places to donate) but what if I am more intentional and seek out someone who really needs it? What if I give away things I really love, but do not need?

What if I stop eating so much food simply because I am on an emotional whim or because my goodness I just love food? (And I do, I love cooking, baking, all the wonders of the culinary world.) 

What if I start eating not to satisfy my taste buds and emotional outbursts, (Ode to chocolate how I love you!) but as I should to feed this “temple” the Lord has given me. I truly am excited with the over-haul God has given me on my view of food this last month.  Why am I so excited? Stay tuned my friends, stay tuned…

I am thrilled to say I started my "Seven" fast with a friend of mine from church. (Thank you Jesus for giving me such a wonderful soul to go through this fast with!)  I started with month one which covers food and I cannot wait to write about what He has been teaching me through it. (Obviously)

Here is where I have to tell you that I just love how the Lord works. He is such a beautiful master-mind.

While reading the book, “Seven” and starting my, “Seven” fast I simultaneously was reading the biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Also midway through reading the book, "Seven", I began another book called “The Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne that one of my teens, I call her my “dear daughter” handed to me and told me I needed to read.

I was completely in the dark at the time, that these books all intermingle on the same topics over and over again. I was even more clueless to the fact that they might even literally mention each other by name. Oh Lord, you are such a clever one. Mmm, mmm, mmm…

Oh Lord, Your ways are not mine and that has never been as abundantly clear as it is right now.

I hope you stay tuned my friends, there is more to come on my mess. ;)

Micah 6:8
Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly with your God.


  1. You did it! Woot! Way to go, girl!

    1. Thank you for those prayers and encouragement!

  2. Oh wow...I'm looking forward to reading more of what God is doing in and through you, friend.

    I just started reading 7! I have to admit I wasn't expecting to be turned inside out....hah!

    and I've never recovered from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's biography...

    Hugs to you and welcome back!

    1. Ah! You read his biography!? Eep! I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on Seven. I pretty much cried, laughed and sometimes shouted a "boo yah" while reading it. ;)

  3. Sweet One - Micah 6:8 is my response when people ask me what political affiliation I am. :) Shane Claiborne will mess you up in such a beautiful way. I love that you are reading these things simultaneously. I have a habit of doing the same thing. Guess I need to get 7 next. I'm standing by, cheering you on and also grateful at the prompting your journey is giving me to run a better race. Prayers for your family as well, because I know all too well how gentle you must live with those you love when God is working transformation deep inside. It would be so easy to live in a bubble while change is happening, but then if you couldn't live it out with your family, what the point be? Welcome back!

    1. Oh! I love that Tobi! What a great response and it makes sense. Lately there has been some drama in our circles and this is often my reply.(Micah 6:8) Shane's book is beautiful and rough. And thank you for those prayers. I really appreciate them! If you have any words of wisdom feel free to message me! Thank you for this encouragement Tobi!