A Beautiful Mess

Studying God’s word incessantly while fasting can really mess with you.

So can a mission trip to a developing country or a homeless community.

A switch has been flipped and like a fan clearing smoke from a room, the fog is clearing and I am finding myself consumed by God’s words and His very heart.

There’s a sweet ever-present conversation happening between us now that’s deep, intimate, and sometimes painful.

In short, it’s really rearranging my life, my dreams, and my goals; this Christianized American dream I was so busy chasing.

Isaiah 58 (NIV)

 ² For day after day they seek me out;
    they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
    and has not forsaken the commands of its God...

How did I rationalize your call and heart away while serving within your church walls for so long?

 I, the professed, “hater” of all things watered down have apparently watered down Your very gospel in my own life. Forgive me. Oh Jesus, please forgive me.

So now I am a mess. It feels like a beautiful mess, but a mess none the less as I slowly, but surely try to unravel the threads of the American dream out of my life; out of our family’s life. It sounded so noble and normal and yet I find it extraordinarily base and empty now.

⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

My dear hubby and I find ourselves re-thinking even the basics in the assumed rules of engagement for the American church.  This repetitive call from your Word is not to be saved for a few events peppered throughout the year, but weaved into the very fabric of our day to day lives.

There is a great blank canvas in our future now as You, oh Lord, wash the plans we had painted on it away. We find ourselves with baited breath and fervent prayers awaiting Your next brush stroke.

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Jesus you fill my heart with wonder and joy, but these come tinged with grief and remorse compared to where I was before.

So here I am. I am a mess for You. Yours for the taking and amazingly I discover that you chose me first a long time ago.

 I am not the last one picked for a game of kick ball, but your treasured pick because You have already chosen what you will do through my mess. You, who make all things beautiful.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

“UGH! Mom! Where are all the churches when you really need them?!”

A few months ago, we were on a family trip to the lovely state of Wisconsin. To pass the time for the seemingly endless car ride that my kids were experiencing, “Are we theeeere yet?” We were playing a fun game of Travel Bingo.  (I know none of your kids ever ask that question right?)

We were nearing the part of the game where we were all frantically searching the road sides for the last item that would complete our row so we could triumphantly scream, “BINGO!” when, my 6 year old daughter exclaimed,

“UGH! Mom! Where are all the churches

when you really need them?"

 I was speechless… Her frustrated little plea hit me like a ton of bricks. I know… I know she was just frustrated because she wanted to spot a church quickly so that she could mark it off her Bingo card and scream for joy at beating her siblings to the win, but she was profoundly right on another level.

She had hit the nail on the head. My husband even replied too her, “You’re right honey. You are right.”

 It struck such a cord with me that I confess I flipped my bingo card over and wrote down her words. I sat there lost in thought, completely losing the game, because I couldn’t stop reading that quote of hers over and over, and over again.

It struck a deep cord with me because this simple question had already been haunting the paths of my heart for years. It sounds even more peculiar if you know me, and know that I attend a very healthy and active church. God was using my daughter’s frustration with the game to cement it into my heart in a way that I could no longer ignore it as I had been.

 I decided to no longer view this problem as so big and daunting that I find myself thinking, “What in the world can I do about it?” Instead, I will just be obedient and remember how big my God is. I have now started this new adventure and I will fill you in on what God has been challenging me to do. So far it's been a lot of work, but amazing as usual. God is faithful!

 If God calls, then I have to answer. It’s how many an amazing adventure starts with Him and I don’t want to miss it even if it seems crazy. I am just a mom. I am just a volunteer youth worker. I am just a follower of Christ, but I do know The Great I AM, and He is the one that counts. He is the one who will do the changing. So here I am Lord send me.

Will you join me?

Can we be God’s hands and feet together?

Can we be the church not just go to church?

The adventure may look different for each of us. It may take each of us to different places or keep us in our own neighborhoods. We are just answering God’s call to be His church, not just attend it. It has nothing to do with the actual building and everything to do with what you are building with.

“Church arise, arise and shine

Shake yourself from the dust

God is calling us to go”            -Leeland

Please take a moment and listen to the words of the song, "While We Sing" by Leeland. I have it posted in the previous blog.